Goats caused all the War Dead
in Afghanistan and Irak
in flippers they killed off all the Codfish
'n' they sure don't get put back

'twas Goats caused endless binge drinkin'
booz booz booz beer beer
'n' Goats poisoned off that ex-Russian spook
no fear no fear no fear

Goats noshed all the brain cells
of Berlusconi, Bush 'n' Blair
so all you anti-Blairites
go stab your fingers there!

Goats shot Jean Charles de Menezes
at Stockwell on the Tube
please don't blame our cuddly cops
don't be so bloody rude

Goats caused that huge Tsunami
that none of us'll ever forget
you thought it was crafty old God
on that I'd place a bet

'twas Goats that invented Condoms
'n' head fucked endless Popes
'cos of Goats 'n' Condoms
bang went all our hopes

'n' even in Africa "Oxfam" Goats
Are getting' all the shit
if I was a Goat -
and I sure wish I was -
I'd fuck off out of it!